She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
