I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
