You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
