By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
