I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
