I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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