I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
