To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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