I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
