who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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