his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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