I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
