So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
