I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
