her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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