I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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