If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And my parents said I crawled through the house
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
