He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
