Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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