Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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