Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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