im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
