I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
