Betty ford says i'm here all night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
