I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
