You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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