I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
