Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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