9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
