He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
