She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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