dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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