I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
home. puking in laundry basket.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
