I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize