Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
