I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
