he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
