I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
