Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
