He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
