I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
