My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ttyl tear gas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
