Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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