If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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