Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
