so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
