She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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