ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
