Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got inside last night via doggy door
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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