The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize