There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
