At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
