I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
