Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
