Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
