So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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