if only i could text you this smell
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
