How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
