Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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