we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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