I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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