The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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