what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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