Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
