oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
high people should be assigned attendants
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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