if i can run in heels then i can drive
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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