U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
