Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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