hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
