I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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