Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
