Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
