Screwed.edu
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
