dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
